How To Piss Off Your Girlfriend
by AndAllThatGoodStuff
Summary: Hosted by Alvin Seville! Alvin shows you the many ways he gets under Brittany's skin. **CHAPTERS EDITED**
1. Chapter 1

**How To Piss Off Your Girlfriend**

"Al-vin!" Brittany yelled at the top of her lungs. Alvin groaned from his place on the couch. "Alvin! Where are you?" He heard her stomping down the hall and into the living room. He quickly fell onto his side and pretended to be asleep. When the pounding of her foot steps came to a stop in front of him, he began to lightly snore.

Huffing, Brittany stomped back towards their bedroom. Alvin smirked. Works every time, he thought. He quickly wiped his smirk off his face when he heard Brittany's foot steps again.

He felt more weight on the couch as Brittany sat down and began lightly stroking his hair. "Alvin," She sang gently and sweetly. "Alvin, wake up." She said lightly shaking him.

Alvin remained motionless. He wasn't sure what to do. Was Brittany actually being sweet (in his eyes, a rare moment), or was this just the calm before the storm? Brittany was such a talented actress that it almost impossible to tell the difference. He felt Brittany moving about and then suddenly piles of clothes were being dropped onto his head. He quickly sat up, throwing the clothes off him. In his efforts her noticed they were his clothes.

"Britt!" He looked at her to see her glaring at him.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times… to pick up your clothes!" She yelled chucking the extra clothes at him to add emphasis on her words.

Alvin cringed and flinched with every blow. "Okay, okay," He yelled back. Brittany stopped throwing clothes long enough to hear what he had to say. "I promise to pick up my clothes from now on; okay?" He smiled sweetly at her.

Brittany continued to glare at him. "Fine," She said. She reached towards the table placed at the front door and grabbed her keys. "I'm going to Eleanor's for a little while and when I get back I want every single piece of clothing off that floor!" She said in a demanding tone, poking him in the chest.

Alvin smirked. "Yes mom."

Brittany rolled her eyes. He stood and reached out to embrace her. "No," She said pushing him away. "You can have a hug when I see you picked up your clothes." She said turning and walking out the door.

Alvin groaned and trudged to his bedroom door. "I might as well get started now." He mumbled to himself, pushing open his door and flipping on the light. He looked around the room and saw Brittany's neat and tidy side and his side that is obviously in need of a bulldozer. He blew out a breath and stared at his clothes scattered across the floor, dresser, and parts of his bed.

He stretched his lips to one side of his face and tapped the door frame with his fingers. "No reason to rush into it." He said with a shrug and walking back to the living room.

* * *

Alvin sat on the couch and laughed as the end of one of his favorite shows. It had been at least two hours since he had decided to put off the task of cleaning up his clothes. He figured that Brittany would be back any minute now and he needed to get his clothes out of sight.

Standing up, he headed back to his room and once again looked at the piles upon piles of clothing on his floor. He sighed and went to pick up a shirt. When he leaned down to grab it, his stomach did a flop and he heard the familiar growling coming from his abdomen. He smirked and patted her tummy. "Well, I can't work on an empty stomach." He mumbled dropping the shirt and heading for the kitchen.

He looked through all the cabinets, drawers, and the refrigerator for a meal he could make quickly and would fill him. He found nothing. Looking further he decided to do the impossible.

He had to cook.

* * *

"Yeah, thanks man." Alvin said closing the door after the pizza man. He took his pizza to the food and fire extinguisher foam cover kitchen and began eating. After finishing an entire box of pizza he checked his watch. Brittany would definitely be back soon. He walked into his bedroom and once again stared at the mess. "Okay, Alvin," He began to prep talk himself (much like he did before a soccer game back in high school). "You have to do this and soon. No more playing around." He charged towards the pile of clothes and leapt into them.

He began stuffing clothes into the hamper and as he was doing so he found an interesting item under the bed. He pulled out the package and studied the items inside. "Nipple pasties?" He read. Forgetting about his task he stood and headed for the bathroom.

* * *

Brittany groaned at the sound of rock music blasting from the front door. "What is he up to?" She mumbled pulling out her keys to unlock the door. The music pounded her eardrums as she entered. Her eyes darted around the room for her boyfriend. During her search she saw the kitchen was a complete disaster. She made a mental note to get him for it later.

As Brittany continued her search she saw him standing on the couch twirling his shirt over his head; one nipple pasty was on his nipple and the other on his eye. "Whoop! Whoop!" He chanted as he continued to dance.

Brittany furrowed her brows and reached over towards the stereo, shutting off the music. Alvin immediately stopped and looked around. He smiled sheepishly at the sight of Brittany. "Hey, Babe," He chuckled nervously.

Brittany raised her brow at him. "What are you doing?" She asked calmly, crossing her arms.

"Uh…"

"And why is the kitchen destroyed?" She asked, her voice rising in volume.

"I…"

"What have you been doing this whole time?" She finally yelled at him.

Alvin paused. "I'm…sorry?" Brittany huffed and rolled her eyes. "But I did pick up my clothes." He smiled at her.

Brittany did not respond. She walked past him and headed for the bedroom. Alvin blinked and shrugged. He began removing the nipple pasties from his body and in the process of putting his shirt back on, his eyes widened in realization. "I didn't pick up my clothes." He whispered to himself.

He then heard Brittany squeal and a thud soon follow it. "Well, time for me to go." He announce jumping off the couch and running out the door. Upon shutting the door her heard the all too familiar call of his name.

"Allllviiiiin!"

**Okay, so I'm thinking of making a series out of this. What do you guys think? Give me some ideas!**

**REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! We're going to kill **_**three**_** birds with one stone. I'm giving you two more ways to piss off your girlfriend and I'm showing you why it's rated T! Here are some crowd favorites.**

**How To Piss Off Your Girlfriend**

**2) Hog The Bed  
3) Don't Put the Toilet Seat Down**

Brittany was lying peacefully in her bed. She had finally gotten a chance to lay down after making sure Alvin picked up all his clothes. Of course, being Alvin, as soon as his head hit the pillow he fell right into unconsciousness. Brittany, however, was having trouble falling asleep. Alvin had the blankets completely wrapped around him, leaving almost none for her. She had tried several times to shake him awake (to no avail), and even tried to push him out of bed.

"Al-vin…" She groaned, kicking his back with her feet in an attempt to get him to roll out of bed. She huffed. Why did he have to heavy? With one final blow he rolled over, out of the blanket, and fell to the floor. Brittany, though satisfied that he had fallen, crawled to the side of the bed to check on him. "Alvin?" She called when she didn't see him move. Just then he let out a loud snore. He was _still _asleep! She glared and grabbed a pillow, throwing it right at his head. This hadn't budged him a bit. Brittany rolled her eyes and crawled back into her original laying position, pulling the blanket over her body.

After several minutes, Brittany was well on her way to dreamland when she heard groaning and grunting coming from the floor. Alvin was waking up. He looked around and saw that he was no longer in his comfortable bed, but on the floor. He let out another grunt as he stretched his stiff muscles hearing several pops in the process. He stood up and grabbed his pillow, climbing back in beside Brittany. He scratched his side groggily as he leaned over and pulled the blanket off Brittany and onto his body again. Brittany held onto it as tightly as she could but Alvin was too strong. She was once again left without a blanket to warm her.

"That's it…" She mumbled slamming her hands on the mattress as she sat up and climbed out of bed. She stomped over to Alvin side and grabbed the mattress, pulling it up at such an angle that Alvin instantly rolled off.

Alvin hit the ground with a thud. "Ow," He groaned sitting back up. "Britt?" He rubbed his head where it knocked against the floor, feeling for a lump or any sign of one. "What are you doing?"

"Get out." She said.

"What?"

Brittany stomped over to the closet and pulled out extra blankets and pillows. "You can't sleep in this bed until you learn proper bed-edict." She pulled Alvin to his feet and shoved the items into his arms. "Until then…" She pushed him out into the hallway. "You can sleep on the couch!" She yelled slamming the door into his face.

"Oh, yeah?" Alvin glared at the wooden access as if Brittany were still there sending a glared back at him full force. "Well, I can… and I will!" He yelled. Chin in the air, he made his way to the couch as if he had won the battle.

Brittany rolled her eyes at him and once again crawled into bed.

* * *

Brittany awoke hearing the flushing of the toilet across the hall. She then got that all too familiar need to also empty her bladder. She stretched and squinted at the sunshine that seeped in through her windows as she made her way across the hall to the bathroom.

Alvin glanced behind him to see Brittany shuffling to the bathroom, half sleep. "Good morning," He called to her. She let out a grunt before entering the bathroom and slamming the door. Alvin shrugged. He figured that she couldn't have still been still mad at him for last night; Brittany just wasn't a morning person. She never was. So this type of thing was not uncommon.

He sat back on the couch and immediately turned the TV to _Sports Center_. Over the sounds of the theme music and over ecstatic voices of the announcers, Alvin heard a plop come from the bathroom and then "Al-vin!" came Brittany's voice.

"Yes, Dear heart?" He called, knowing she hated pet names.

He heard a flush and then the bathroom door open. "You left the toilet seat up." She yelled.

Alvin didn't turn around, he only blinked and continued to stare at the TV. "Yeah, so?"

There was a short pause before he felt a bar of soap hit him in the back of the head. "Put the toilet seat down!" She slammed the door again.

* * *

Later that night, Alvin was having trouble sleeping. The couch was not comfortable. Even when he did reach a spot that was semi-comfortable, he was so consumed with thought that he couldn't fall asleep. After that, his natural reaction was to move again.

He twisted, he turned, he flopped, and plopped; it seemed like he would never get to sleep. How did Brittany put up with his constant moving? _He _was starting to get annoying with it. His eyes shot open as a light bulb went off in his head and the wires in his brain made a connection.

Brittany groaned. She was also restless. To be honest sleeping in a bed without Alvin made her nights hell- more hell than usual- but even in her twenties she wouldn't tell Alvin that was how she felt.

Almost on cue, Alvin came knocking. "Brittany?" He called softly. She didn't answer. "Are you asleep?" He opened the door and peeked inside.

"What do you want?" She asked crossing her arms and glaring at him.

Alvin cautiously stepped inside, taking that as his prompt to enter. "I want to sleep in _our _bed."

Brittany smirked but continued to be difficult. "Have you earned it?" She teased.

Alvin chuckled. He knew that was Brittan-ese for '_I forgive you_.' "Oh, I think I have." He said slowly approaching her side of the bed. _I love you._

Brittany lifted her brow. "I think that's for me to decide." _I love you too._

Alvin smirked back and kneeled beside her. "We both know you've pretty much made your decision." _I want you._

Brittany narrowed her eyes. She still hates it when he's right. She sighed and sat back, a small smile still apparent on her features. "Get up here." _Make love to me. _

Alvin didn't wait to be told twice. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to his long-term girlfriend's, climbing into the bed and under the blankets.

* * *

Brittany's eyes fluttered open and she smiled. She knew she wasn't much of a morning person, but even she couldn't wake up angry after last night. After "making up," not once, but twice, Alvin cuddled up to her in order to keep her warm and so that they both were under the blanket all night.

A sudden flushing sound broke her from her train of thought. Brittany chuckled. Leave it to Alvin to ruin a perfectly good moment of reminiscing. He entered the room and grinned at the sight of Brittany awake and smiling. "Hey, you're up… and happy!"

Brittany rolled her eyes and crawled out of bed. "Shut up." She said walking passed him to the bathroom.

"I love you." He called behind her.

She waved him off and shut the door behind her. Alvin chuckled and began gathering his (now neatly folded and put away) clothes for the day when he heard a plop and a groan. "Alvin," Brittany sighed. He smiled. _I love you too._

**Teehee! This chapter was a little fluffy. I realize that if you want your readers to keep reading, you have to throw them a bone once in a while.**

**So, enjoy your treat.**

**You're not getting anymore…**

**Lol, jk!**

**Hurray for Big Time Rush references.**

**REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Welp! I've been hit with an idea and I plan to drop all charges 'cause it was a good'n.**

**How To Piss Off Your Girlfriend**

**4) Hang Out With Your Ex**

After getting the bathroom situation straightened out Alvin and Brittany headed out. Since neither of them could cook they were almost always out. Their kitchen was barely touched. "So, what are your plans for today?" Brittany asked trying to strike up a conversation.

"Nothing much," Alvin shrugged. "I'll probably end up staying home and watching the soccer game." Brittany nodded. "Why? What are you up to?"

"I have to work late." She explained playing with the food left on her plate. "I just wanted to know where you were."

Alvin frowned a bit. "So you're going to be gone all day?" Brittany smiled apologetically. "That's going to be boring. What am I supposed to do all day?" He also began playing with her food.

"What do you usually do while I'm at work?"

Alvin smirked mischievously. "I wait for you to get back." He leaned forward taking her hand in his.

Brittany smiled. "That would've been sweeter if you hadn't just quoted a Spongebob episode." She pulled her hand out of his grasp and grabbed her purse preparing to leave. Alvin sat back and continued to frown. "It's not like we're breaking up; I'm coming back." Alvin started to grumble under his breath. Brittany leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I love how clingy you get after we make love." She whispered in his ear before standing and heading out the door.

Alvin narrowed his eyes. "I do not!" He yelled sitting up and turning around. Brittany rolled her eyes, though her back was to him, and waved him off.

* * *

Brittany sighed out of exhaustion. It was seven o'clock. She had worked straight through lunch in order to come home, as unbelievable as it was, early and spend time with Alvin, so she was also hungry. As she approached the door of her home she heard the television turned up extremely loud and the familiar sounds of Alvin talking. The TV was too loud for her to hear if he were talking to someone or to the TV. She pulled out her key and unlocked the door, allowing herself entrance. She walked in and sniffed the air. It smelled like someone had cooked. In any other apartment this would be normal, but since she couldn't cook and Alvin once started a fire trying to make ice, the kitchen wasn't the hot spot of the dwelling. She shut the door behind her and continued to investigate. "Britt? Is that you?" Alvin yelled over the TV from the living room.

"Yeah…" She slowly drew nearer towards the living room. Upon entering the dark room that was only lit by the flickering of the TV she saw not only her boyfriend but her baby sister. "Oh, hey, Ellie." She greeted in awkward surprise. Eleanor smiled and waved. Alvin jumped up from the couch and greeted her with a kiss. "What's she doing here?" She whispered grabbing Alvin's hand to keep him close and their conversation private.

Alvin chuckled. "We bumped into each other after you left the diner this morning."

"Okay, next question," Brittany reached up and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "What is she doing _here?" _

Alvin rolled his eyes. "Neither of us were busy so we decided to come back here and hang out." He studied his girlfriend's agitated face. "Is that a problem?"

"Pfft! What?" Brittany laughed attempting to play off her growing uneasiness. "Why would I have a problem with that? I'm fine with that." She lied.

Alvin raised his brow skeptically. "Alvin, the game is back on." Eleanor told him from the couch.

"Go finish your game; I'll be in the bedroom." She said turning quickly to leave the room.

"Britt, why don't you watch with us." Eleanor suggested in her naturally friendly voice.

Brittany stopped. She wanted to gag on the kindness her sister _always _displayed but covered it with a look of thankfulness and turned around. "Yeah, that's a great idea." Alvin agreed.

"Uh, no, thanks; sports are you guy's thing." She politely declined turning around and heading for the bedroom again. A few moments later she heard Eleanor cheering and Alvin groaning but still laughing, both of them having a good time. She growled to herself and continued on to her room.

Eleanor looked over her shoulder when she heard the door behind her slam shut. Being used to it, Alvin didn't flinch. "Is Britt okay?" She asked seeing that the game went back to commercial and she would be able to talk to Alvin again.

Alvin shrugged. "I guess," She took a sip of his soda.

Eleanor stared at him. "Don't you think you should ask?" She asked him as if it were an obvious decision.

"She said she was fine."

"She could be lying."

"What if she's not?"

"What if she is?" Alvin shrugged. "What kind of boyfriend are you?" Eleanor narrowed her eyes at him.

Alvin smirked. "I think you know the answer to that." He said taking another sip of his soda. Eleanor rolled her yes and grabbed her bag. "Wait, where are you going?" Alvin asked seeing her stand to her feet.

"I can't stay here if Brittany is uncomfortable with it." Eleanor shook her head. "And as the sister of the girl you're dating you need to go in there and find out what up with my sister, or you will be getting a visit from me and my friends." She held up her fists. "It won't be a friendly visit, Alvin."

Alvin chuckled. "Maybe if you weren't so mean we would hang out more." He chuckled.

Eleanor rolled her eyes as she laughed too. "Sure we would." She adjusted the strap on her bag turned to leave. "Remember what I said Alvin." She called back to him as she walked out of the apartment.

Alvin sighed. "Time to do the right thing." He mumbled to himself going into the bedroom. He walked in and saw Brittany sitting on the bed with her arms crossed and a pout on her face. "You know if you continue to frown like that you'll get worry lines." He said lying beside her and poking her forehead. Brittany rolled her eyes but immediately stopped pouting. She reached up and felt her forehead for herself. Alvin chuckled and grabbed her hand. "What's up, Britt?" He asked stroking her hand with his thumb.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why were you so awkward about Eleanor and I?" Brittany looked down at their hands and shrugged. Alvin blinked. "Alright," He shrugged. Getting up from the bed he headed for the door.

"Al-vin," Brittany stared at him in disbelief. Alvin laughed and climbed back into the bed, ready to listen. She sighed and sat back into her pillows. "I guess I got a little jealous when I saw Eleanor was here cooking for you and spending time with you. You know, doing things I can't." She confessed.

Alvin chuckled and grabbed her hand again. "Britt, you have nothing to worry about." He soothed. "There are plenty of things you do that Eleanor can't."

Brittany smiled and leaned into his body and he embraced her. "A few examples wouldn't hurt." He mumbled into his chest causing Alvin to laugh.

"You call me on my bull, you make me laugh, and sometimes you make me so angry I want to pull my hair out." Brittany furrowed her brow and looked up at him. "Don't worry that's a good thing." He reassured. Brittany nodded and buried her face back onto her boyfriend's chest. "But do you know the really important thing you do that Eleanor can never do?"

"What's that?"

Alvin smirked and leaned down to whisper something in her ear. A blush quickly formed on her cheeks and she hid her face in Alvin's shirt once again. "Al-vin!" She squealed.

**Yay! Another chapter completed!**

**So, there's a poll in my profile. It would really mean a lot if you guys went to vote on which story I should post next. It's my sixtieth story, so please choose widely.**

**1) Don't pick up your clothes  
2) Hog the bed  
3) Don't put the toilet seat down  
4) Hang out with your ex  
5) Coming soon…**


	4. Chapter 4

**How To Piss Off Your Girlfriend**

**5) Keep Secrets**

CRASH!

Brittany jumped. She remained still in her bed as the sounds of shushing were heard in the hall and muffled footsteps were heard outside her bedroom door. With all the courage she could she began climbing out of bed. "Al-" She began to call for her boyfriend to be the brae one and find out what was going on but she soon noticed that Alvin wasn't in bed with her. _Oh, great, _she thought dropping to the floor and grabbing the plastic bat she kept under her bed for when she babysat for Simon and Jeanette.

_Tonight it's going to get some different use, _she thought slipping into her closet. She stayed silent waiting for the stranger to make their next move. The knob began to turn slowly as if the person outside the door were afraid the sound would wake whoever was inside. Her breath hitched when the door opened and a medium sized man stepped through it. Without a second thought she threw open the closet door.

WHACK!

She made her first blow in the back of his head. The man fell- possibly out of shock. He didn't look like the type to fall from the first hit of a plastic bat swung by a girl with no prior batting experience. Brittany watched as he groaned and began to get off the floor. She moved to hit him again when the "strange" man let out a familiar "ouch." She lowered the bat and knitted her brow in confusion. "Alvin?" The man turned over and sure enough it was Alvin. "What are you doing sneaking around the apartment?"

Alvin sighed and sat up, rubbing the back of his head. "I was going to bed." He checked his hand for blood. Thankfully there was none. "What are you doing attacking me with a bat?" He groaned again and stood, double checking for blood.

"I thought you were a robber or a murderer or a rapist." She took in another breath, returning to her normal state.

She glared at him before swinging the bat and hitting him again. "Ow!" Alvin rubbed his shoulder.

"That was for scaring me!" She stored the bat back into her secret hiding place. Without warning she wrapped her arms around Alvin's torso, burying her face into his chest. "Where have you been?" came her muffled voice.

Alvin chuckled. "I was out." He said simply.

Brittany lifted her head from his chest. "Out where?"

"Just…out." He shrugged.

Brittany removed her arms from around her boyfriend and crossed them over her chest. Brittany was a naturally suspicious person so vague answers never worked with her. Everyone knew that and were usually very specific with her- unless they had something to hide. She continued to glare towards him as he began busying himself in order to avoid the accusing gaze. He pulled off his shirt and pants, throwing them into the hamper, and climbed into bed, never once glancing at Brittany. "Good night." He said snuggling into the blankets.

* * *

"He was acting so weird." Brittany paced the floor as she retold the story of the night before to her sisters.

"Alvin acting weird?" Eleanor took a sip of water. "Isn't that a bit redundant?"

Jeanette giggled also taking a sip of water.

Brittany narrowed her eyes toward her little sister. "Sure, make jokes; you don't have to worry about your boyfriend coming in at all hours of the morning." She sat back in her original seat between Eleanor and Jeanette.

"…Not anymore," Eleanor quietly sang.

Jeanette giggled again.

Brittany glared at them both. "You're annoying." She bluntly told her blonde baby sister.

She turned away from her and face Jeanette preparing to ignore her for the rest of the visit. "Brittany I'm sure Alvin has a reason for being out so late." Jeanette attempted to sooth.

"I know there was a reason!" Brittany exclaimed. "I want to know what the reason is. Who knows what he could be doing? He's been acting so weird lately; I don't even know who he is anymore. He could be a thief or a drug dealer… he could be batman!"

Jeanette blinked and repressed another laugh. She was no longer able to contain herself when Eleanor began humming the batman theme. Brittany whipped her head around, throwing another annoyed glare at her. Eleanor's humming slowly came to a halt as her sister stared her down. When Brittany turned back towards Jeanette Eleanor let out a gleeful and spiteful "BATMAN!"

Brittany slammed her hand on the counter. "Ellie!" She glared from over her shoulder. "Go home!" She demanded.

Eleanor giggled and took another sip of her water. Brittany's shoulders relaxed as she let out a sigh. "I hate it when he keeps secrets from me." She began to focus on the situation at hand.

"The only thing you can do is trust him." Jeanette patted Brittany's knee to comfort her.

Brittany continued to pout leaning her elbow into the counter and rested her chin in her hand. "I guess you're right."

* * *

Alvin entered the apartment slowly. All the lights were out so he assumed that Brittany had already gone to bed. He tip-toed around the dark corner, toward the living room, and flipped on the light. "Ah!" He yelled seeing Brittany asleep on the couch.

She shifted and stretched her arms above her head. Her eyes fluttered open and landed on the frightened chipmunk standing at the doorway. "Hey, you're back." She smiled sitting up into the couch.

Alvin shifted his eyes. "You waited for me?" He smiled a little.

"Yeah," Brittany scooted and patted the spot beside her as a gesture for Alvin to sit. He did so without hesitation. "This way I won't end up attacking you with a bat." She said sleepily snuggling against his forearm.

Alvin chuckled and leaned his head on top of hers. "Well?"

Brittany let out a breath as her eye lids became heavier. "Well, what?" She yawned.

"You aren't going to grill me and ask where I've been?"

Brittany smirked. "As long as you're here and safe, I'm fine." She yawned again, sleep overwhelming her body. "I trust you." She said in mid-yawn. Alvin blinked in surprise but couldn't help but smile. "But something is bothering me."

Alvin furrowed his brows in interest. "What?"

"That crash I heard last night…" Brittany shifted her body so she'd be able to look him in his face. "What was that?"

"Uh…" Alvin looked nervous and hesitant to answer the question. "Well, you know that vase that used to sit right there?" He pointed towards the couch side table. Brittany looked where he was pointing and saw there was no vase on, near, or anywhere around that table. She looked back toward Alvin who had tensed, getting ready for what he thought was coming to him. Brittany simply let out and breath and laid back against his arm. Alvin's eyes snapped open and he looked down at her. "You're not mad?" He asked truly shocked by her behavior.

"No, I'm mad- furious." She chuckled once again making herself comfortable. "But I'm too tired to yell." Alvin poked out his lip and nodded in satisfaction. He had gotten off easy. "But in the morning, when I'm refreshed and ready to go, there's gonna be hell." She mumbled before falling into a deep slumber.

**Yay! Another chapter completed!**

**Let's see where we are…**

**1) Don't pick up your clothes  
2) Hog the bed  
3) Don't put the toilet seat down  
4) Hang out with your ex  
5) Keep secrets  
6) Coming soon…**

**Remember to vote in my poll! This one is actually important. Lol! But before that… REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

**How To Piss Off Your Girlfriend**

**6) Withhold Information**

Brittany paced the floor as she waited for her sister to arrive. She let out a breath of relief when she heard knocking at the door. She rushed over and swung the door open. "It's about time!" She frowned at the sight of Eleanor. "Aw, you aren't the right sister." She stomped her foot in disappointment.

Eleanor rolled her eyes. "Hey, you sent a text to both of us. If you didn't want me you shouldn't have text me." She said turning to leave.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Come in." Brittany's tone was desperate as she pulled her baby sister into her home. Eleanor sighed and set down her gym bag. "Were you on your way to the gym?"

"Yeah; what gave it away? The gym bag; my gym clothes?" Eleanor giggled as she twirled to show off her green track suit. Brittany laughed and sat at the island of her kitchen; Eleanor joined her. "So, what's up?"

Brittany looked down the hall to make sure Alvin wasn't there. "Okay, so mine and Alvin's anniversary is coming up." She told her excitedly. Eleanor gave an uninterested nod. "I found him the perfect gift, but I know the day before he's going to go searching for it."

"Britt," Eleanor interrupted. "Not that this isn't interesting, but what does it have to do with me?"

"Well, if you would've let me finish, you would know that I want you to keep his present at your apartment so Alvin doesn't find it before our anniversary." Brittany continued handing Eleanor a neatly wrapped box with a crimson bow.

"Oh, okay," Eleanor nodded understandingly. She quickly hid the gift in her gym bag as she heard foot steps coming down the hall.

"Hey, El," Alvin greeted, adjusting the strap of his own gym bag on his shoulders.

"Bye, Alvin," Eleanor stood and headed for the door.

"Wait, are you going to the gym?"

Eleanor stopped and face him. "Yeah, why?"

"Yeah, why?" Brittany repeated in a tone of jealousy.

Alvin laughed her. "I was going too. We might as well carpool." He suggested innocently as he refilled his bottle.

"Why?" Brittany asked again. Eleanor rolled her eyes and chuckled at Brittany's discomfort. She figured that Brittany was either trying to keep Alvin away from the present or her. Either way, she found the situation humorous.

"It saves gas and I needed to talk to Eleanor anyway." He twisted the cap of the bottle close and headed out of the kitchen only to be stopped by Brittany.

She jumped off the stool, blocking his way to the door. "But you can stay home and talk to me." She suggested as an alternative to him being out with his ex.

Alvin smiled. "That sounds nice." He leaned forward and pecked her lips. "We can talk when I come home." He obliviously walked passed her and Eleanor as he headed out the door.

* * *

"So, this thing you wanted to talk about…?" Eleanor brought up when they were in the car, seatbelts buckled, and out of the parking lot. "Would it have anything to do with our late night conversations?" She raised her brow at him. "Aw, man," She mumbled coming to a stop at one of the longest stop lights in L.A.

Alvin chuckled. "I got it." He told her.

Eleanor gasped. "You did not!" She squealed like she were a teenager again. Seeing that the light was green she tried her best to get through it before it changed again. She hit the break when a car from behind her cut in front of her just as the light was turning red. "Mother-" A car behind her honked, covering her slip of the tongue. Alvin snickered. At first glance, you wouldn't know it, but Eleanor was not the calmest driver. She obviously picked up her road-rage from Miss Miller. She let out a breath and "patiently" waited for her turn to go again. "So, when are you gonna do it?"

He shrugged. "We have an anniversary coming up; I could do it then, but I want it to be a surprise." Eleanor nodded in understanding. "So, I was hoping that-"

"I could keep it at my apartment until the big day?" She finished. Alvin nodded. "It's no problem."

"Thanks, Ellie."

"What are ex-girlfriends for?" She smiled when the light finally turned green and she was able to drive again.

"I'll take things that make you miserable for two-hundred, Alex!" Eleanor dropped her jaw in offense and laughed. Alvin chuckled with her. "It's a good kind of miserable." He explained reaching into his bag. "I'll put it in your gym bag so you don't forget."

Eleanor's eyes widened. "No, wait!" She reached behind her, blocking Alvin's way to her bag and still managing to keep her eyes on the road.

"What?"

"I'll put it in."

Alvin stared at her like she was crazy. "You're driving!" Dave never should've let the girls take driving lessons from Miss Miller.

"Well- uh, wait until we get to the gym. I'll put it away then." Eleanor told him nervously.

"I don't want to risk it being taken." Alvin went to put the present in her bag again.

"No!" Eleanor reached around and yanked him back up in his seat.

After recovering from the shock of Eleanor's strength, he smirked. "I'm starting to think that there's something in that bag that you don't want me to see." He raised a suspicious brow at her. Eleanor rolled her eyes- though he was correct. "What is it? Something you're afraid I'll tell Theo about? Lady products that you're embarrassed about me seeing? Your panties? Because I've already seen those."

"Al-_vin_," Eleanor let out a frustrated breath as a small blush crept onto her cheeks.

Alvin furrowed his brow in thought. "If it's that fourteen karat, water proof watch that I told Brittany I wanted, and I _know _she bought…" Eleanor's jaw fell again. "Then I won't look. I want to be surprised when I open it."

* * *

"How was the gym?" Brittany asked when Alvin and Eleanor walked through the door.

"It was great." Alvin grinned as he leaned in to kiss her. "Thank you for the watch, baby." He said going into the bedroom to change.

Brittany's mouth went agape. She faced her baby sister with a glare. "Ellie!"

"Don't yell at me; it's not my fault! He already knew about it!" Eleanor told her quickly before she was able to hit her or harm her in any way. "When he went to put his present for you in my bag, I wouldn't let him, and he figured it was in there."

Brittany's expression softened. "You know what he got me?" She asked, forgetting that her surprise was ruined.

Eleanor's eyes widened and she clapped her hands over her mouth. She didn't mean to let it slip that she knew what her present was. "Ah-I have to go!" She turned and ran out of the apartment, hoping Brittany wasn't behind her.

Brittany huffed and shut the door after her sister. She then put on her cutest smile and sang, "Oh, Alvin,"

Alvin poked his head out of the room and smirked. "I'm not telling you a thing." He put his foot down.

Brittany pouted. "But Alvin," She whimpered joining him at their bedroom door.

"Nope." He shut the door leaving Brittany outside of it.

Letting out a snort of frustration, she reached forward, jiggling the knob. It was locked. "Al-viiiin!"

**I don't like this chapter, but it had to be written. It could've been written better, but what are you gonna do?**

**1) Don't pick up your clothes  
2) Hog the bed  
3) Don't put the toilet seat down  
4) Hang out with your ex  
5) Keep secrets  
6)Withhold Information  
7) Coming soon…**

**REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 6

**How To Piss Off Your Girlfriend**

**7) Forget Things You Shouldn't Forget**

Alvin sat lazily on the couch. It had been strangely quiet that morning so he was taking advantage of it while he could. He rested his feet on the table in front of him and leaned into the couch, letting out a content, "Aah…" Just as he had reached maximum relaxation the TV went off. "What the…" He looked around for the remote in a small panic.

"Ahem,"

He looked behind him to see the remote in the hands of his girlfriend who looked at him expectantly. "Thanks, babe." He smiled and grabbed for the remote. She pulled back the item. "What?" Brittany glared at him. "Oh, okay; I get it." Alvin smirked and stood. He pulled her into a kiss and smiled. "I love you."

Brittany raised her brow. "And…?"

"And…" Alvin shifted his eyes. "Good morning?"

Brittany scoffed and thrust the remote into his chest as she stomped down the hall to their bedroom. Alvin chuckled at the sound of the door slamming shut. Looking over both of his shoulders to make sure he wasn't being watched, he grabbed the phone and dialed a familiar number. "Hello?" A small voice answered after a few rings.

"Ellie, it's me." Alvin whispered.

"…And who is me?"

"Ellie…" Alvin rolled his eyes.

She giggled. "Sorry," Alvin continued to look over his shoulder as the movements coming from the bedroom became apparent. "So, today's the big day, huh? Are you nervous?"

He chuckled. "A little," He began pacing. "I was just calling to…" He tensed when the bedroom door opened and Brittany emerged. "…To- to make sure that, uh, _the guitar is in its case_."

Brittany raised her brow curiously at the way he was acting. "Alvin, what the hell are you talking about?" Eleanor said.

Alvin chuckled nervously when Brittany stopped short of her destination to the door to listen to the conversation. "You know, my very _special _and _expensive _guitar that I need for tonight." He tried his best to stress his words so Eleanor would understand.

She paused and he could hear shuffling coming from her end. He turned around and quickly gave Brittany the "this person is crazy" look. She nodded but stayed in place. "Alvin, there's nothing in this plan about a guitar."

"Well, check again."

Eleanor took another pause and then gasped. "Oh! Brittany is in the room with you!" She giggled at her obliviousness of the situation.

"Yes, so, is it there?" Alvin asked again.

"Yes, it's safe and sound." Eleanor said cheerfully after checking if Alvin's surprise for Brittany was still in the box.

He relaxed a bit and smiled. "Great, be sure to have it here by seven." He instructed before hanging up. He turned and was met with a suspicious look from his girlfriend. He jumped a bit, having almost forgotten she was there.

"What do you need your guitar for tonight?" Brittany asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm going to the park with Simon and Theodore." He shrugged. "There's going to be a show there and we wanted to check out some of the local talent."

Brittany's shoulders slumped slightly. "Oh," She turned and grabbed her purse. "Well, I'm going to head to work." Alvin nodded and plopped back onto the couch. "Is there anything you want to say to me before I leave?" She asked hopefully.

"I already told you I love you." He said returning to his relaxing position.

Brittany took a few steps toward the door so that she was now beside the couch. "Is there anything you want to give me?" She smiled.

Alvin thought. "Nope," He grabbed the remote and turned up the volume of the TV. Brittany's smile faded as she sighed. She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and headed out the door. When the door shut Alvin's mischievous smirk reappeared. "Not until tonight…"

* * *

Alvin blew out a breath as he adjusted and readjusted his tie. He had never been this nervous about anything in his life. With his nerves in a twist the sound of his phone vibrating against the counter was enough to send him into a mini-heart attack. He calmed down, realizing it was only his phone and answered it. "Ellie, where are you?" He asked harshly. "Tell me you're on your way."

"We have a problem."

Alvin froze. "What did I say?" He groaned and rubbed his forehead. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing; nothing's wrong." Eleanor laughed nervously. "I had your gift on the counter while I was baking and…" She blew out air. "To make a long story short, it might've been baked into a pie."

Alvin relaxed a bit. "That's no problem." He continued adjusting his tux. "Just go through the pie and find it."

Eleanor let out a nervous giggle. "That's the problem." Alvin's movements slowed from the tension in her tone. "I don't know _which _pie it's in."

Alvin blinked at this response. "El, how many pies did you make?"

"Um…" She did some quick math in he head. "Twenty-five."

"Twenty-five?"

"…Give or take fifty."

Alvin groaned and dropped his head in frustration. "Okay, Brittany isn't going to be home for a while. I'll come over there and help you look." He hurriedly moved toward the door and ran to his car.

"I can't believe this." Alvin muttered. They were both covered in a variety of pie- as was Eleanor's kitchen. "We looked through every single pie and still didn't find it." He picked up and threw down another glob of dessert.

"I don't understand where it could've gone." Mid-sigh, Eleanor gasped at the shiny object in a pile of gook. "There! There! I see it!" She began a slipping as she attempted to run to it.

Alvin gasped and did the same. His stride was cut short when Eleanor's front door opened and Brittany walked through it. "Ellie, I'm depressed." She looked up just in time to see Alvin slip and take Eleanor down with him on his way to the floor. "What is going on here?" Brittany screeched.

"Brittany," Eleanor groaned and struggled to move from under Alvin but they were both still slipping and sliding in the goop that covered the kitchen. She finally got some sort of grip on the counter and pushed herself to her feet. She laughed as she approached her confused and suspicious sister. "This looks weird, right?" She chuckled.

Brittany nodded. "Who wouldn't find it strange that their boyfriend is in a tux, rolling around in pie with his ex-girlfriend on tonight of all nights?"

Alvin finally made it to his feet. "Brittany, I can explain."

"Please do!" She exclaimed.

Alvin began chuckling nervously. "Well, you see, I was…uh…" Eleanor shifted her eyes nervously as Alvin stammered under Brittany's intense glare of skepticism. He began moving his hand over the counter as he took a step toward her. His fingers then brushed up against something rigid in the soft goop. He whipped his head around and hurriedly dug through it until he saw it. "Oh my gosh; I found it!" He exclaimed pulling the item up like a child finding a toy in a cereal box. Eleanor smiled excitedly while Brittany was more confused than ever.

Alvin continued to chuckle nervously as he approached her. "I, uh…" He scratched the back of his neck anxiously as he stood in front of Brittany he grabbed her hands. "This isn't exactly how I wanted to do it, but…"

"Alvin, what are you talking about?"

Alvin chuckled again. "You didn't think I had actually forgotten, did you?" Brittany gasped as he got on one knee. "I'd have to be a complete idiot to forget the day the most beautiful girl in the world stepped back into my life…and I don't want to lose her again," He slipped the ring onto her finger. "Brittany, will you marry me?"

Unable to speak, Brittany smiled through her tears and nodded. Alvin grinned also. He stood to his feet and pulled her into a long kiss.

"Aw," Eleanor cooed.

**I'm thinking one more chapter… but we'll see won't we…**

**This actually might be the last one. *shrug* Tell me...  
**

**1) Don't pick up your clothes  
2) Hog the bed  
3) Don't put the toilet seat down  
4) Hang out with you ex  
5) Keep secrets  
6) Withhold information  
7) Forget things you shouldn't forget  
**

**REVIEW!**


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